come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
