so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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