Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
