I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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