have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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