Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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