We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
