oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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