We named our party play list daddy issues
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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