Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
