The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
