i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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