I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
