It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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