I heard we made out
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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