no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
