I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
