and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
