The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
