I love black thongs
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
