i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
