i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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