you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
