if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
