So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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