I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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