Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
