I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize