I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
