oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
