its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
