I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
