reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
