Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
