Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I still have a little drunk in my system
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
