Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
