I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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