come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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