Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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