dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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