he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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