I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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