everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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