I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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