the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
