Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
