he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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