My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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