Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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