1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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