Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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