I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
