I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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