Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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