You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
