whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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