it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
