haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
