I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
barbara walters just said penis...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
