Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
