you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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