Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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