I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
