Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
