I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
