i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
