I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
