you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My feet surprised me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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