So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
