Your face is a jimmy john
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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