A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
