She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
