If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
