No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
