I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
