I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
