two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize