areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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