He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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