you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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