I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
