god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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